Being with one of my classmates had reminded me of my secondary life in Kuching. I had 2 really good friends. One is a talented artist that I grew up with since primary school and the other one, we met in class on the first day of Form 1. We were very close together and used to do all kinds of stupid things like writing letters to each other even though we basically sat next to each other and onlining in msn to chat even though we are going to meet tomorrow in the morning. Internet was expensive that time. I remember drawing stupid comics with my childhood friend and admiring her art. The other friend is a really cute and kind girl that everyone likes.
In Form 2, we drifted apart and make new friends when we no longer sat close to each together. Except for me. All of I remember now was I really hated Form 2 and Form 3 and I'm really glad to move out of there. I was a misfit and everyone had their own cliques and group. My childhood friend still talked to me and go to canteen together with me so it was still okay. I can't really remember much as my Form 2 and Form 3 life as it is distorted by my ill feelings and memories. I remember being hurt and angry for being ignored. Maybe I was a bad person at that time or maybe I was a plain ugly duckling. I remember being jealous as other people became close to my "best" friends. I remember writing angry letters intending to give to her and in the end tearing it into pieces when she finally talks to me. I was being stupid at that time. I felt so happy when she finally talks to me that I forgot all my hurt and jealousy. I forgave her so many times for ignoring me. Maybe she was just busy ?
In Form 3, things gotten a lot worse. Once again, we are sitting quite far apart from each other. I made a few friends ( <3 Shin Lee ) but I'm always waiting and waiting for her to stop ignoring me. It's not that I didn't make the effort to talk to her. Maybe she got bored of me and preferred her new bunch of friends. They are good friends I admit. But I'm not really within their wavelength so I stay out of that clique. I have this is sour memory of sitting in the empty seat in front of her table just waiting for her to talk me. I had waited until the owner of the seat arrived. She said that she's busy studying in the beginning. But later on, she just ignored me as if I'm not there. Until now, I still can't really forgive myself ( or her ) for acting just like a fool waiting for "friend" like that. I was so happy when I finally moved to a school where friends don't ignore each other and always support each other no matter what.
We are still kinda in touch with each each. I used to visit her when I come back to Kuching but I have no need to bother her with my "bored-ness" so I don't want to go even though my parent keep on asking about her and telling me to visit her. But still I'm trying to patch things up but I'm very reluctant to do so. I have not forgiven her yet.Yesterday I saw her in facebook and chatted with her a bit. I ask her when is she going to come and visit me since she is always saying that she'll visit me one day. She said that she misses me. And in the back of my mind, I wonder if it is true or it's just pure fakery ?
My childhood friend once said to me, " I do not believe in having best friends "
I believe her now.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
My Early Secondary Life
Posted by Stefanny at 4:26 PM
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2 comments:
maybe I was your childhood friend. XD
It's easy for a Capricorn to get hurt cause we are kind of serious with everything. Sometimes, Capricorns just care for their friends too much. Well, I had suffered but as I get OLDER (T.T) I intend to let bygones be bygones. Haha!
Alienated. Woah! That's hard. Seriously I had one experience (luckily, a short one) where everyone was circulating stuff without me knowing. (Being sharp naturally, I ,of course noticed about this) I was really really sad in Pri 6 when they avoided me when i asked them about they were discussing. I kept thinking to myself that it was because of my absence of the class for about 4 months (i was in medical recovery period) that they started to discriminate me. For a week! (I salute you and Fai Fai. Really.) A week was what I could take when my friends out of nowhere sprang out to give me a bday bash. (I was too depressed to notice about my bday.) So stupid. T_T
I feel so guilty after reading this post cause I was the bitchy type. O.O and I ignored people! in pri sch of course O.O haha! but was worse than yours cause we had a fight and we did some stupid stuff till the teachers had to intervene (oh my, now I think back. a girl's jealousy cannot be taken lightly) haha!
Misses you? mmg le... sweet words nia lo. I told myself that I had no best friends but it was the last year of my pri sch (name her B) and the last year of my high sch (name her A). In the end, when I meet A and B, it feels AWKWARD i tell you. seriously. try asking mei and joanne. there was a gust of cold wind during the lunch. haha!
hope u get better. well, that's why I had pasted the most upper left quote in my chocolateharem blog.
"Time will heal all wounds. Scars will trail behind"
I'm blessed with good friends. I'm thankful to all of you.
lol You're so not my childhood friend. Maybe be adulthood friend ? :P
But I'm not Capricon XD But yeah, sometimes I care too much that people might go, Omigosh she's acting exactly like my mother XD
Yalah, maybe just sweet words only. I don't understand why people won't just say the truth. Just say that "yea, I'm already bored with you just go away" would be enough and that's it. The thing is I helped her quite a bit in the studies while we were in Form1 and then she just dumped me like that for better and smarter friend. Fine, I might be a little bias here.
I don't know what to do. Maybe she didn't noticed that I was hurting all along. Some people are just insensitive like that. I feel like forgiving her but I need to see her face to face. Granted,I ask her when is she coming to visit me and she said that she's busy with stuff and give me all that vague excuses. It like as if she's not sincere at all. I hate this kind of bs.
Ish getting extremely judgmental now xD
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