* Kingdom Of My Heart *

Live Chess

2011-10-05T00:39:00.005+08:00

“Your Queen is your only legal move. Except you’ve already moved it twelve times which means there’s over four million volts running through it. That’s why they call it Live Chess.”

Life's Like That

2011-09-14T00:42:00.003+08:00

Oh, Hello Again !

2011-04-14T16:39:00.004+08:00

I have the sudden urge to blog today, so here goes !

I've been quite stressed out recently due to recent developments. I can't really concentrate on studies at the moment but I think I can trust myself enough to know about when I should put my all into studies for the finals.

I love my friends, I really do. I'm very glad to have several friends that I share a very deep and meaningful connection with. It's hard to describe the connection but the one thing that I can describe is when you can say anything you want (provided that you're not a jerk and an asshole), you can tell them your feelings/opinions without retribution, when you truly care about them (and them, you) and lastly, when you can depend on them to protect and defend you whenever the need arises.

There are only a few people that I can trust with my whole heart (oh wow, so dramatic, but then again, I'm and always will be an idealist) in this world. To those people, I want to give a heartfelt thanks from the very bottom of my heart. You have tolerated my emotional moments, argued with me and yet, you still stick right by my side all this while. I'm sure any other person would have said, "Eff this, I'm done with you."

{On another note}

To have friends, you need to be a good friend to others. All I have been doing is helping you and yet, you have the heart to say such hurtful and horrible things to me. In my mind, I have tons of stuff that I want to say to you but I'm restraining myself from doing so. Can't you get it ? I care about you. Do you care about me and how I feel ? Must things always be about you ? Stop using my own words against me. You have been expressing your anger towards me many time before and I have been patient and took all your anger without a word but enough is enough. When it is my time to express my anger and displeasure, all I get is childish arguments and sense-less self-defense statements from you. Hide in your own world as long as you want but real life will drag you out screaming sooner or later. Why am I saying all this ? If I don't care about you, I would have said, "Eff, this I'm done with you" and just walk away.

It's your call.

The Greatest Gift

2010-06-04T19:40:00.003+08:00

As I was walking down the streets,
A familiar old face appeared unexpectedly,
Among the sea of nameless people.

She was looking through the window of a store,
Her eyes intent on something,
Beyond the piece of glass.

I walked passed her without her noticing me,
And then I stopped suddenly in my footsteps,
The sea of people flowed around me.

I headed back hesitantly,
Until I was right behind her,
And gave her a gentle tap on her shoulder.

With her concentration upon the object of her desire broken,
She turned her head to stare questioningly at me and said,
Who are you ?

She didn't remember the little boy in her class,
But it was hardly her fault,
It was almost ten years ago.

Mister, do I know you ?
She questioned me in that stern tone of hers,
Which I was afraid of and feared when I was a child.

John, you're useless !
John, your music is garbage !
John, you'll never be as good as others !

Sorry to take up your time ma'am,
I have a ticket to the concert but unfortunately I'll be out of town tonight,
Would you like to have it ?

Are you sure, young man ?
I'm sure the ticket is very expensive and he is a very famous violinist,
You wouldn't want to miss the concert.

I have a very urgent matter to attend tonight,
Ma'am, please do me a favour and take the ticket,
It's my pleasure.

May God bless you !
I had always wanted to attend his concert but I couldn't afford to,
Thank you very much.

Go and enjoy yourself tonight,
It's time for me to go,
Take care and thank you Mrs Harris ...

I walked away in a hurry,
While she stood there bewildered,
And I smiled to myself discreetly.

She was my music teacher,
Her harsh words were my motivation to work harder,
So that I could prove to her that she was wrong.

Gifts come in many forms,
Some pretty and beutiful,
Some ugly and painful.

The greatest gift that I had received,
Is the gift that pushed me to succeed,
And I thanked her for what I am now.

Life

2010-05-28T16:58:00.001+08:00

Click to enlarge ~ <3

I Hate People

2010-05-27T22:11:00.003+08:00

Why the hell does people like to do things that rude ? It pisses me off so much. When you expect something from a person, don't just walk/run off abandoning that person aside without saying anything, not even a small "thank you so much I have to go somewhere goodbye."

When I write a long message for you, I want a complete responses instead of a few measly words.

When I try my best to do something, please don't diss me for no reason at all.

I wish I can go home soon and leave this stupid place.

Again ?

2010-05-08T19:39:00.002+08:00

How do you feel when suddenly someone decided to cut you away without any explanations ?

This is so unfair and also similar to what had happened in my past. I always know things. Don't think just because I look innocent, blur and childish with a "I don't care attitude" doesn't mean that I don't know/care about anything that is happening around me.

Before cutting me away like some useless trash, I would like to request (demand) an explanation.

Opening up to someone and exposing your heart and soul is always a bad idea. I'll not make the same mistake again.

Maiden-In-Waiting

2010-04-28T02:43:00.003+08:00

The villages in the Kingdom had been watched over by Shield Maidens are far as anyone could remember. The Shield Maidens were said to be blessed by Goddess Tyr with the power to protect and shield the villages and its people from harm and evil hence the name “Shield Maidens.” Each Maiden-In-Waiting was chosen by the current village Maiden at the age of twelve by the Will of Goddess Tyr.

At the age of twelve, Aeyr and another girl was summoned by the village Shield Maiden to be chosen as the Maiden-In-Waiting. Aeyr’s parents were very reluctant to let her go but in the end, they relented as the Will of Goddess Tyr must not be opposed and ignored lest misfortune befall their village.

Traditionally, the Maidens-In-Waiting are isolated from the people of their village. Alone and lonely, the two girls soon became great friends even though they quarreled a lot. Under the training of the Shield Maiden, they attained the power and knowledge to shield and protect their village and its people. Through various experiments with their new-found powers, they discovered that it could also be used to protect their loved ones.

Sitting underneath their favorite tree, Aeyr who was twirling strands of her hair with her finger, said, “ I love this tree. I wish it would bear fruit soon so I can taste the delicious apples. ”

“ I wish you would try harder in exercising your powers. You know she won’t be pleased with you if you keep making her flowers die. And my pet fish, how could you ! “ berated Myr while giving Aeyr a hard pinch in the arm.

“ Owww, that hurts ! And yes, I was practicing with my powers but with your fish. Owww, stop it ! I did say that I was sorry ! “

“ Next time, don’t use my pets as your practicing material. If Goldie, my last fish dies, I’ll give you a pinch that you’ll never ever forget, “ said Myr in a menacing tone.

“ Fine, fine. I won’t do that again, “ Aeyr sighed. “ I wish I can be as good as you. I can’t even give a simple Blessing to make this tree grow faster. You’ll be a better Shield Maiden than me, that’s for sure. “

Pointing at the sky with finger, Myr exclaimed loudly, “ Aeyr, look over there at the left. Is that a Dove ? “

Brushing away dirt from her dress as she stood up, Aeyr squinted her eyes and said, “ I see a white bird. It’s probably a white crane bird or something. “

“ Look again. It’s definitely a Dove. Do you know what this means ? “ uttered Myr, her green eyes widened in fear.

Aeyr remained in silence for a few seconds and said thoughtfully, “ I recalled that Master once said that it’s a kind of omen but other than that, I remembered nothing else. “

“ You idiot ! You have not been listening attentively. The white Dove is an omen of death and bloodshed, “ Myr screamed loudly while Aeyr gasped with her mouth wide open. “ We must inform this to Master immediately ! “

Myr grabbed Aeyr’s arms with her hand firmly and ran toward a small hut which is located near the river.

“ Myr, it’s flying towards us ! Faster ! “ shouted Aeyr as she turned her head behind her back. Both of them then began to run as fast as they could while glancing at the bird fearfully.

Suddenly, Aeyr tripped over a fallen tree branch and sprained her foot. She groaned at the extreme pain, her legs sprawled on the earth.

“ Aeyr, are you alright ? You can’t run like this. I’ll have to carry you to Master, “ cried Myr in distress.

“ It’s nothing. I just sprained my foot. You can’t carry me. I’m too heavy for you, “ said Aeyr glumly while ignoring the throbbing pain at her foot. “ Go and fetch Master. “

“ But I can’t just leave you here with that bird flying around ! “

“ Look, it’s not here now. It probably got eaten by an eagle or something. Quickly, Myr. Go and fetch her, “ said Aeyr as she tried to convince her friend to leave her.

“ Fine, if you say so. I’ll give you a Blessing of Protection to keep you safe before I return with Master. “

Then, she closed her eyes, her brows furrowed in concentration and her right palm placed on Aeyr’s head. Her palm, surrounded by a soft golden aura, became increasingly warmer and warmer. Finally, she took her palm away and said, “ Done. I’ll go and find her now. Be safe. “

As Myr left Aeyr alone on the ground to search for her Master, the Dove suddenly appeared in the sky. Aeyr couldn’t do anything but stared fearfully at the Dove as it swooped down towards her at great speed like an eagle hunting its prey. Aeyr disappeared without a trace like the other three Chosen Children.

Myr will then later come back with the Master Shield Maiden, expecting to find a relieved Aeyr waiting for them. Both of them and the village people will search frantically for a missing Maiden-In-Waiting. The sole Maiden-In-Waiting will forever regret for leaving her best friend behind on that fateful day.

I’m sorry for leaving you behind

Lost

2010-04-13T01:43:00.002+08:00

I'm surrounded by people
Yet I feel lost and alone
I'm not sure where I belong
So I stay away from them
Not willing to intrude
Their conversation
Their laughter
Their smile

I wonder how would it feel
To be one of them
I wonder how would it be
To have lots of company

Do you understand me ?
Yearning to be alone
When surrounded by people
Yearning to be surrounded by people
When I'm alone

Sometimes I wish
That I can sprout wings
And fly far far away from everything
To be free in the sky
Not troubled by anything
Soaring

The Great Tree

2010-04-12T00:54:00.007+08:00

Pan, don't wander too far ...

Pan gave little chuckle and crawled back towards the Great Tree.

The Great Tree had existed well before the humans had migrated there. It's said that Goddess Izyel had created the Great Tree since the beginning of time. However, the villagers had avoided going near to the Great Tree. The forefathers of the villagers had cause great destruction to the nature surrounding their village centuries ago. The Great Tree was very displeased with them and cursed their village with decades of famine. Ever since then, no human tried to go near the Great Tree. Except for Pan.

Pan hugged the Great Tree with his tiny arms and said, " Big tree ! Big tree! " He gave another chuckle and let himself fall down on the soft green grass.

A little squirrel scarpered on one of the branch of the Great Tree with a blueberry in its mouth. The squirrel jumped down from the branch and landed near Pan.

" Yay, Squirrerly ! " cheered Pan while extending his arm towards the squirrel.

The squirrel dropped the blueberry in front of Pan and jumped onto the open palm of Pan. Pan snuggled the little squirrel and gave a gentle pat on the squirrel's head.

Pan is raised by the inhabitants of the forest as long as Pan's little head could remember. The forest spirits comforted him when he cried for his parents who never came for him. The animals gave him fruits and water from the river when he is hungry and thirsty. The Great Tree watches over him as he grew day by day. Pan has a very happy life surrounded by nature.

Pan, the birds told me that the Dove is coming ...

" Dove ? " asked Pan inquisitively while ruffling the fur of the little squirrel.

Yes, a Dove. Pan, listen to me carefully and take this with you ...

A leaf from the Great Tree floated gently down. With his fingers, Pan snatched at the leaf until the leaf is finally secured in his palm.

Do not lose the leaf and always keep it with you. It will help you when you needed help the most ...

Pan crawled to the Great Tree and gave the Great Tree another hug. " Big Tree always with me, " said Pan.

Here comes the Dove. Pan, We are always with you. Farewell ...

Pan held his outstretch arm towards the Dove, his forefinger briefly touching the beak of the creature. He gave one last chuckle to the Great Tree and disappeared from sight.

Big tree always with me

The Warrior Who Refuse To Fight

2010-04-11T17:03:00.006+08:00

" Stand up, you coward. Fight me ! " shouted the Warrior to his young apprentice. The Warrior held a naked sword in his right hand and a long leather whip in his left hand.

He brandished the sword close to the chest of his apprentice and said, " You'll die if you don't fight ! You'll be killed by vicious creatures and vile humans ! As your Master, I'm ordering you to fight me now ! "

The apprentice cowered in the corner of the training room, his sword laying limply in his hand.

" Master, please. I don't want to fight, " whimpered the young apprentice who is clad in leather armor which is a size too large for him. His arms and legs are darkly scarred by numerous past injuries and wounds.

" You are disobeying my order. You'll be punished severely ! " He held his left hand high up above his head and sent the whip forcefully down onto his apprentice's body.

" No, no more ! I'm begging you ! " cried the young apprentice in pain. The thin whip had sliced into his arms, exposing his flesh to the surface. Red blood is trickling down to his hands and then down to his unused sword.

" You're a disgrace to the Warriors. I should have never taken you in as my apprentice, " growled the rugged Warrior who did not noticed the soft flapping wings of a bird.

As the Warrior readies his whip for another round of whipping, the Dove flew in front of the apprentice, its soft white wings lightly touching his scarred cheek. The boy disappeared in an instant as the Warrior stood there, bewildered.

Finally, I'm free from you

Time Passes

2010-04-11T12:43:00.001+08:00

As I grow older
As I change
As I see the world in a different way

Friends are not for forever
Love is not for always
And our hearts grow heavier day by day

Running From Fate

2010-04-11T00:17:00.010+08:00

" Senfiel, hurry, we don't have much time, " said the old woman as she helped the child up a rocky hill. The child fell and the sharp barren rocks scrapped the child's knee mercilessly, making it bleed.

" Master, where are we going ? What will happen to the villagers ? " The child asked while ignoring the pain from his bleeding knee. Pain is nothing for the young 12 year old child with somber gray eyes.

" We have no choice. They'll have to cope without a Healer for the moment, " The woman said wistfully. " Come. Let me tend to your knee wound. "

" I'm fine. I can heal myself, " He touched his wounded knee lightly with his fingers and in a flash, the wound is no more.

" Very good. I hope that I have taught you well for I'll not always be with you forever. One day, you'll have to walk alone. Now, come ! " The woman hurriedly walk up the hill while holding to the hand of the child.

At the distance, a tiny white speck appeared in the horizon.

" No ! We are too late ! " cried the Healer in exasperation. She turned around and hugged Senfiel tightly with her arms. She cried as Senfiel stood quietly without moving.

" Master, don't cry. I can take care of myself, " said Senfiel calmly but inside, his heart is twisting in pain. " I'll be back soon to help you with the villagers. "

I don't know if I'll be able to see her again. I'll miss you

The pure white dove landed on Senfiel's shoulder.

The King summons you

The child nodded at the bird on his shoulder and said, " I'll come with you. " Immediately, his body began to fade in color as if he is disappearing into thin air.

" Senfiel, take care and be brave, for your Fate had called upon you, " cried the Healer. Her eyes is filled with tears as she hugged him tightly without letting go even though she knows that Senfiel will be taken away from her soon.

Senfiel smiled sadly at her as he disappears from her gaze and said, " Master, I thank you for your teachings and guidance. "

I love you, mother

Let The Doves Fly

2010-04-10T21:23:00.003+08:00

Father, what would you do in my position ? Would you sacrifice your only child to save our Kingdom ?

How would I know ? I'm already dead.

Father, please. I need your wisdom. Help me ...

You already know that I'm not King Martel. I'm only a mere shadow of him. As the King of this Kingdom, you have the power to summon us, the Shadows of the Dead. The real King Martel had passed on to the next life

My Kingdom is in ruins. The children is our only salvation but my son ...

I have only one thing to say to you : Let the doves fly. I have to leave. It is almost dawn

And the King wept silently as the sun rises over his ruined Kingdom.

Once Upon A Time

2010-04-09T21:03:00.004+08:00

" My Lord, our kingdom is falling. You must act now. Please, my Lord, you must make your decision now, " implored the Knight in a battered armor which is tainted with dried dark red blood while kneeling in front of the King.

The King closed his eyes wearily and said, " My loyal Knight, the poor children, I cannot do this to them. I cannot make this decision. My only son ... "

" You have to make this decision or else our Kingdom will be doomed. The people of our Kingdom must be protected. The children will save us all, " pleaded the Knight.

" The children are not ready to bear such a heavy burden. I will not send them to their death ! Now, leave this chamber ! " said the King angrily, his noble eyes filled with fury.

" As you wish, my Lord. But listen to me for a little while more. They are the Chosen Ones. They will have to fulfill their duty even though they have to give up their lives. Remember that the late King Martel had charged you with the responsibility to protect the Kingdom, " the Knight inclined his head, stood and walked out from the King's Chamber.

The King is left all alone in the stone cold chamber.

... to be continued later

Jack Of All Trades

2010-04-02T02:14:00.002+08:00

The one of thing I know about myself is that I'm a master of none. What am I good at ? Practically, nothing unless you counted being sarcastic as a talent ( Audrey <3 ). I can draw a bit, I can play a little bit of music, I can study a bit, I can sing a bit, I can write a bit, I can do pretty much everything but the results are usually quite mediocre and not up to standard.

I was looking through my List of Things To When I'm a Year 3 student and I found out that I wanted do to a lot of things like playing piano and violin again, learning how to compose, learning how to draw, improving on sports and etc. Sometimes I wish that I'm really good at something like maybe in music or arts. Certainly not academics as I hate reading stupid stuff that I won't even use in a few years. Remember Add Math, Geography, Moral, Sejarah and Physics ?

No one ever comes to me and says, Hey, you're really good at blah blah blah I want to see you do it again This is so cool or something like that

If I'm really good at music, I want to join an orchestra/music teacher

If I'm really good at writing, I want to become an author

If I'm really good at arts, I want to be an artist/graphic designer

If I'm really good at singing, I want to be singer

Now I hope that I'll be really good at tooth craving and who knows what else since I'm going to be a dentist

My Early Secondary Life

2010-03-31T16:26:00.004+08:00

Being with one of my classmates had reminded me of my secondary life in Kuching. I had 2 really good friends. One is a talented artist that I grew up with since primary school and the other one, we met in class on the first day of Form 1. We were very close together and used to do all kinds of stupid things like writing letters to each other even though we basically sat next to each other and onlining in msn to chat even though we are going to meet tomorrow in the morning. Internet was expensive that time. I remember drawing stupid comics with my childhood friend and admiring her art. The other friend is a really cute and kind girl that everyone likes.

In Form 2, we drifted apart and make new friends when we no longer sat close to each together. Except for me. All of I remember now was I really hated Form 2 and Form 3 and I'm really glad to move out of there. I was a misfit and everyone had their own cliques and group. My childhood friend still talked to me and go to canteen together with me so it was still okay. I can't really remember much as my Form 2 and Form 3 life as it is distorted by my ill feelings and memories. I remember being hurt and angry for being ignored. Maybe I was a bad person at that time or maybe I was a plain ugly duckling. I remember being jealous as other people became close to my "best" friends. I remember writing angry letters intending to give to her and in the end tearing it into pieces when she finally talks to me. I was being stupid at that time. I felt so happy when she finally talks to me that I forgot all my hurt and jealousy. I forgave her so many times for ignoring me. Maybe she was just busy ?

In Form 3, things gotten a lot worse. Once again, we are sitting quite far apart from each other. I made a few friends ( <3 Shin Lee ) but I'm always waiting and waiting for her to stop ignoring me. It's not that I didn't make the effort to talk to her. Maybe she got bored of me and preferred her new bunch of friends. They are good friends I admit. But I'm not really within their wavelength so I stay out of that clique. I have this is sour memory of sitting in the empty seat in front of her table just waiting for her to talk me. I had waited until the owner of the seat arrived. She said that she's busy studying in the beginning. But later on, she just ignored me as if I'm not there. Until now, I still can't really forgive myself ( or her ) for acting just like a fool waiting for "friend" like that. I was so happy when I finally moved to a school where friends don't ignore each other and always support each other no matter what.

We are still kinda in touch with each each. I used to visit her when I come back to Kuching but I have no need to bother her with my "bored-ness" so I don't want to go even though my parent keep on asking about her and telling me to visit her. But still I'm trying to patch things up but I'm very reluctant to do so. I have not forgiven her yet.Yesterday I saw her in facebook and chatted with her a bit. I ask her when is she going to come and visit me since she is always saying that she'll visit me one day. She said that she misses me. And in the back of my mind, I wonder if it is true or it's just pure fakery ?

My childhood friend once said to me, " I do not believe in having best friends "

I believe her now.

Fail Drawing Of Neku

2010-03-21T23:47:00.003+08:00

I tried drawing him in full body but I phailed so hard that he turned chibi O.o

Late Night Doodling

2010-03-21T09:47:00.002+08:00

I can't draw eyes and hair but it kinda looks like my current obsession. I copied this from the spirites in the game * oh the horror *

Joshua from TWEWY <3

A Random Video About A Random Game

2010-03-17T21:20:00.003+08:00

I know my playing sucks. But I was using the wrong pins at that time. Instead of killing them, it was healing them ! So I had to stop using Neku and concentrate on my partner instead.

End of Final Fantasy III DS

2010-03-17T21:09:00.003+08:00

I finally finished playing FF3 DS. The final boss was easier than I expected. I beat it at level 51 ! Luckily I didn't train them up til lvl6o and lvl99 job level. It would have been an epic waste of time. My team as Sage, Devout, Summoner and Ninja. 2 dedicated healers are essential for the final boss. I would have gotten pwned so bad if I didn't have both of them casting Curaga and Curaja. Ingus the Ninja died loads of time though but I had Refia the Devout revive him.

So, what's next ?

Should I play FF6 or KH : CoM ?

Oh, and I had also finished with The World Ends With You. The ending is so awesome ! The final boss pwned me so I had to rethink my strategy and equip new pins. But it was totally worth it !

Square Enix, I <3 you

The World Ends With You

2010-03-16T11:40:00.002+08:00

The game is simply awesome ! I love the plot and the style of its graphic. Playing that game makes me curious about the culture and places in Japan. Neku Sakuraba is a typical angst-y teenager but I totally get him. He reminds me of Sora. And his headphones thingy is so cool ! I want one ! I like playing as 2 characters at the same time. Shiki is meh but Joshua's skill is nice especially the skill where he floats in the air and released angels of destruction. The game would be so nice if I have a stylus or a Tablet.

Can't wait to play the rest of the game to find out who killed Neku.

Thank you Grace for introducing the game !

Biochemistry

2010-02-17T22:04:00.000+08:00

Biochemistry sucks !

End of story

FF III : Random

2010-02-08T23:19:00.007+08:00

*squeals* I want them ! I see Knight or Warrior, I'm not sure, a Devout, Red Mage, Freelancer, Dragoon, Magus maybe and the rest I don't know

Aren't they adorable ? Oh so serious little faces with spectacles. Luneth and Ingus look great as Scholars. I think I have an obsession with blue eyes and blond hair. Too bad Scholars are pretty much useless in the game but they can double the effects of items they use like potions and magic damaging items.

I hate when monsters kill Refia and Arc. No one can bully my Refia and Arc ! *action replay* D:<

I don't care if Luneth or Ingus dies. Especially Luneth. Poor thing.

Final Fantasy III DS Opening

2010-02-06T15:27:00.002+08:00

This is one of the nicest openings I have ever seen. I really like the magical music score. It makes me feel as if I'm traveling across some strange magical land.

I Heart Final Fantasy III DS

2010-02-05T18:23:00.002+08:00

Arc, Refia, Luneth and Ingus

Refia as White Mage *So cute*

The characters are so cute and the costumes for each of the class jobs are awesome ! I love playing as a White Mage and a Black Mage. Can't wait to unlock more classes. I'll probably make either Refia or Arc as a Geomancer. Arc is so adorable !

Hikari

2010-02-03T02:00:00.001+08:00

Donna toki datte
Tada hitori de
Unmei wasurete
Ikite kita no ni
Totsuzen no hikari no naka me ga sameru
Mayonaka ni

Shizuka ni deguchi ni tatte
Kurayami ni hikari o ute

Imadoki yakusoku nante fuan ni saseru dake kana
Negai o kuchi ni shitai dake sa
Kazoku ni mo shoukai suru yo
Kitto umaku iku yo

Donna toki datte
Zutto futari de
Donna toki datte
Soba ni iru kara
Kimi to iu hikari ga watashi o mitsukeru
Mayonaka ni

Urusai (When you turn my way) toori ni haitte
Unmei (Take it all the way) no kamen o tore

Sakiyomi no shisugi nante imi no nai koto wa yamete
Kyou wa oishii mono o tabeyou yo
Mirai wa zutto saki da yo
Boku ni mo wakaranai

Kansei sasenaide
Motto yokushite
WAN SHIIN zutsu totte
Ikeba ii kara
Kimi to iu hikari ga watashi no SHINARIO
Utsushidasu

Motto hanasou yo
Mokuzen no ashita no koto mo
TEREBI keshite
Watashi no koto dake o miteite yo

Donna ni yokuttatte
Shinji kirenai ne
Sonna toki datte
Soba ni iru kara
Kimi to iu hikari ga watashi o mitsukeru
Mayonaka ni

Motto hanasou yo
Mokuzen no ashita no koto mo
TEREBI keshite
Watashi no koto dake o miteite yo

No matter what the time
I`m just alone
Destiny forgotten,
Even though I kept going.
Inside of the sudden light I awaken
In the middle of the night

Quietly, stand in the exit way,
And, in the pitch-black, take the light

And about the recent promises, is it just that I`m so anxious?
A wish that`s wanting to be said, but shall be repressed
I`ll introduce my family,
You`ll surely get along well

No matter what the time
We'll always be together
No matter what the time
Because you`re by my side
The light known as "you" finds me,
In the middle of the night

Enter a noisy street
And put on the mask of destiny.

I'll stop doing things that have no meaning, like thinking about the future.
Today I`ll eat delicious things.
The future is always before us,
Even I don`t know it.

It`s not necessary to go right to the end,
Just keep going.
It`s okay if the scenes
Go on one by one.
The light known as "you"
Reflects my scenario

Let`s talk more,
And about the tomorrow that`s before your very eyes.
Turn off the television,
And look only at me.

No matter how well we`re doing,
I don`t believe in us completely.
But at those sort of times,
Because you`re by my side,
The light known as "you" finds me,
In the middle of the night.

Let`s talk more,
And about the tomorrow that`s before your very eyes.
Turn off the television,
And look only at me.

Kingdom Hearts : Birth By Sleep

2010-02-01T23:23:00.003+08:00

I just saw this and I think it's so awesome !

I really want to play this game. That guy looks like Sora ! But my favourite character in that game is Aqua. Thumbs up for the great music and the fight scenes are really cool.

<3

Trauma Center

2010-01-24T23:06:00.003+08:00

Trauma Center is my current obsession for the moment. Sorry, Kingdom Hearts, I have to stop playing you for a while *snickers*

I enjoy cutting people up, burning polyps, exorcising tumors and stitching them back up again as good as new. Oh, and did I mention about defeating and killing alien-like GUILT in the patients' body ?

Like so totally awesome !

Since I only have my Nintendo DS emulator, I could only play Trauma Center : Under The Knife and Trauma Center : Under The Knife 2. Playing the game with Wii will be so awesome *cries*

They are so pro ! I wish I have their reflexes and skills *drools*

First Full Body Anime-Ish Drawing

2009-09-21T02:14:00.003+08:00

What Would You Do

2009-09-05T22:47:00.004+08:00

When you see someone alone,
Would you accompany him or would you ruin what little time he have for himself ?

When you see a child crying,
Would you tell him, be a man and don't cry or would you sit quietly and try to comfort him ?

When you see a dying bird on the ground,
Would you kill it out of mercy or would you leave it to die on its own ?

When you see the sky turning dark,
Would you run for cover before the rain comes or would you take a moment to admire the power of nature ?

When you see everyone's trampling on each other to get to the top,
Would you try your best to beat the others to be the first or would you wait until when everyone's gone and take your time to reach the top ?

When you see your enemy in pain and despair,
Would you think that everything that had happened to him is his punishment or would you stay with him and try to help him out ?

When you see your lover with another man,
Would you try to reconquer your lover or would you let her go in peace ?

When you see yourself in the mirror,
Would you turn away from the mirror or would you gaze into the mirror, admiring your beauty ?

Decisions, decisions and decisions.

Midnight's Winter

2009-09-02T23:55:00.002+08:00

Workload has been increasing exponentially but as long as revisions are done as soon as possible, things should be alright.

I love the subjects although sometimes, the scientific terms can be a little mind-boggling and classes can be sleep-inducing. But I'm grateful that I don't have to ever study Maths, Chemistry and Physics for the rest of my life.

I like to draw but I was never good in drawing. But to my surprise, my drawings for anatomy turn out to be better than expected. In fact, I'm actually quite pleased with them. I found out that I can copy drawings well but I'll never be good at drawing spontaneously. Nevertheless, I'm still very happy it for the time being. Maybe in the future, I can draw better drawings.

Should I change myself if changing myself will bring me to greater heights ? Why is introverted-ness not appreciated in life ? What is wrong preferring to be alone rather than mingling with others ? I feel so sick of people who are fake, people who uses others for their own means, people who never cared for anyone except for themselves, people who ignore others because they have nothing "useful", people who pretend to be nice so that they can milk every inch of your kindness and I can state so many more other examples. Why should I socialize when people are behaving in their selfish ways ?

I admit that I'm not perfect and sometimes, I can act selfish too but if I'm able to help or return back the favour, I'll definately do so. I'm not one of those " use and dump " people. If being social means that I have to be like "them", then no thank you.

This world need lots of love. Not those kind of fake love, obsessive love, possessive love or even those boy-girl relantionship love. Have you ever had a toy, a teddy bear or a favourite blanket ? Although it's not brand new, dirty and patches of stuff are coming off and unraveling, you still love it. Maybe sometimes it had to be washed in the washing machine and dried for a few days but you're still waiting for it to return to you again, clean but basically still your old same blanket.

The world need more of that kind of love. Loving and accepting imperfections, not tolerating. Companionship in the form of enjoying each others presence, nothing more or less. Even though, ages had passed but an emotional bond can still be felt, strengthened by distance and absence and therefore, appreciating even more. Love in simple terms means just being happy, contented, comforted and joyful with the object of your love, let it be, a toy, a person, a favourite pillow or an animal. Love is never as complicated as they make it sound as. Love and keep on loving and the world may be a happier place.

Pure love is never complicated.

My Calling

2009-08-28T00:18:00.002+08:00

I think I have found my true calling. I have to sleep on it and think a bit. It feels so ... right.

<3 You all

The Hermit Sage

2009-08-19T00:39:00.006+08:00

Sometimes I try too hard being something that I'm not and I ended up being tired and empty. I don't understand why everyone should be always be around with people, talking, being sociable, more talking and more hanging around with other people. I know that communications are very important in life and work but sometimes I feel so tired being with people, trying to talk and create conversations. I don't really mind just sitting around, listening and not talking, basically just enjoy each others company but maybe to others, my silence is something that is awkward. People may think that I'm snobbish and stuff but I just don't have anything to say. I prefer just to listen. I'm not a talker, I'm a listener.

I tried to change my antisocial self but I ended up just being not me, faking enthusiasm just to continue the conversation.

I prefer being myself than a fake me.

I would like to be like others who have better communication skills than old antisocial me but I'm not them. They would probably be better doctors/dentist/businessman/whatever than me but I don't care. I just do whatever I'm suppose to do or work and that's it.

Sometimes, I wish I could just be alone until I'm already to come out from my cave.

If I'm ignoring you and not talking, it's not you, it's me. Please don't be mad. I just want to be alone. But I do enjoy your company. It's just that I don't like to talk.

I can totally imagine myself as an old stuffy professor just immersing himself in whatever he's doing and oblivious to his surroundings.

If I'm suddenly talkative, I'm coming out from my cave to visit and talk but if I'm suddenly quiet, I'm in my antisocial state again.

Being me is complicated.

Over and out.

Drowning myself in thoughts and music. <3

I'm a proud loner with my head held up high.

<3

2009-08-04T00:21:00.002+08:00

Just Wanna Say That

I Love You All

And

I Love My New Blog Layout

Yasmin Ahmad [July 1, 1958 - July 25, 2009]

2009-07-31T11:08:00.006+08:00

A few days ago, I went to Audrey's blog and I saw a tribute posted by her for the late Yasmin Ahmad. There were a few videos and as usual, I clicked " play " on all the videos so that they can start loading. Unfortunately, I was sidetracked by the "Up" movie video and I closed Audrey's tab on Firefox, forgetting to watch the Youtube videos' by Yasmin Ahmad.

Today, I woke up and began my daily ritual for checking and reading blogs. I went to Audrey's blog again and loaded the videos. But this time, I was waiting for the videos to load completely.

And I watched.

I'm not ashamed to say that I cried while watching those heart-touching videos.

I remembered watching " Sepet " on one of those Astro channels with chat texts scrolling down constantly. I loved the movie but couldn't understand why the chat texts were saying that the movie is ridiculous and boring. Sure, the ending is a little... shall we say, unique but the way each and every characters managed to touch our heart is truly endearing. Every time, when we go to the movie, we only saw those Action Packed, 3D Animated ( Pixars, excluded ) and Horror movies. Those movies are exciting with lots of smokes, flashes and booms and not to mention, blood, gore and sexual content. They are what I call, instant gratification movie. You get what you want. Excellent graphic and sound effects ( including sexy women with impossibly large boobs, why oh people HAVE to focus so much on boobs ) but little to none thinking and feeling-ish. " Sepet " is a refreshing breath of clean air among those kind of movies. I really want to watch Gubra and Mukhsin but maybe later on.

After watching the videos, I went Wikipedia to search more about her. And I noticed this :

Family (2008) for the Singaporean Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports
Funeral (2009) for the Singaporean Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports

Family and Funeral are two of the titles to the videos. My favorite is Funeral. BUT Singaporean Ministry ?

And one of her movies were censored by the " Malaysian censorship authorities ". This is a quote from Wikipedia.

As Yasmin's second feature film, Sepet, Muallaf was first screened in Singapore instead of Malaysia, where it was shot. However, unlike the former, Muallaf may not be screened in Malaysian cinemas after all since the Malaysian censorship authorities had requested key scenes to be cut, thus rendering the story meaningless.

I'm sure you know what am I thinking. Singapore is more supportive of Yasmin Ahmad than Malaysia, her country of birth. This is extremely shameful ( not really an appropriate word ) to me as a Malaysian.

Rest in peace, Yasmin Ahmad.

Teva's Tear Part 2

2009-07-22T07:59:00.003+08:00

“ Adryan, my dear, wake up. “

Adryan stirred slightly, his mind floating aimlessly. He tried to open his eyes but the bright light blinded him. He squint his eyes against the light and saw a blurry figure in front of him. The place on his neck where the fighter struck didn’t hurt him anymore.

“ Sairin, where are we ? ”

“ Dearie, just stay still and rest. I’ll bring you some hot broth in a moment.”

His vision cleared and he saw an old female cleric at the side of his bed. His memories flooded into him and he remembered everything that had happened.

“ Where’s Sairin ? Where is she ?”

The old cleric looked sadly at him and said, “ We managed to revive you but Sairin was too long gone. We were too late. “

Adyran turned his face away from her and wept silently. Hot tears were splashing on the bed sheets. Agonizing pain and despair clawed from within his chest. His breath came in gasps. He felt a deep hole of darkness in his heart. He was supposed to protect Sairin and he failed. Now, she’s gone forever and he’s still alive.

I don’t deserve to be alive. I want to die and be with Sairin.

Suddenly, he felt a firm hand grabbing his shoulder.

“ Adyran, be strong. Sairin maybe be gone from us but she will never be gone from our heart. Have courage and remember that. “

“ WHY do you care ? You don’t even know her, “ sneered Adyran angrily. He glanced at the old cleric with rage. “ I don’t need your comfort. She’s dead… She’s dead forever… I don’t care about anything, anymore. “

“ I do care. She was my best apprentice. If you won’t be strong for yourself, at least be strong for your daughter, “ said the cleric as she walked wearily away, leaving him alone in the room. The room darkened as dawn approaches.

My daughter… She looks exactly like Sairin…

His heart lurched suddenly in pain. He tried to control the pain that is trapped within him. Little by little, the pain dulled. But, the sadness in his heart will never be cured. He is not whole anymore. He will never be whole again.

“ Daddy ? “ A timid voice came across the room.

Adyran turned his head toward the door and saw a pale white face looking at him.

Rainna…my daughter…The old woman was right. I have to be strong for my daughter. I can’t wallow in self pity.

“ Rainna, come. Daddy is here, “ said Adyran, trying to force himself to smile but his face can’t seem to work properly.

The child ran into the room, her short black hair reflecting the light of the dying sun. Her dress flapped softly as she lifted her light and small body onto the bed and sat beside Adryan. She turned her pale face toward her father and said, “ Daddy, where’s mother ? “

“ She’s…she’s not with us anymore, “ said Adyran with a sea of sorrow in his voice.

The child nodded sadly but knowingly. Without a word, she raised her arms up and hugged her father, her arms not quite reaching his back. A tear fell from her eyes and then down her cold cheek. Adyran hugged his daughter silently. Together, they are united in sorrow of the death of their loved one.

I love you, Sairin.

Late night scribble. A tad shorter.

Teva's Tear

2009-07-21T08:19:00.005+08:00

Brilliant lights flashed and crackled with destructive power but Adyran managed to dodge them skillfully. He has in his hands, beautiful but deadly bow made from willow which was an inheritance from his father, a famous bowman known for his accuracy and stealth.

“ Is that the best you can do, mage ?” as he dodged a few more spells while taunting the mage who aimed the spells at him.

The mage gnashed his teeth in anger and sent a blast of fire at Adyran but he missed again.

“ Hah, missed again ! You are really a useless mage,” taunted Adyran and he shots a barrage of arrows at the mage.

The mage tried to back away from the arrow but his back was against the solid grey wall of the cave. One by one, the arrows penetrated into the mage. The mage’s eyes widened in shock and pain as fresh red blood spurted out from his wounds. Soon, he collapsed into a heap on the ground, the blood pooling underneath him.

Adyran looks away from the mage’s body without remorse. This is war and there is no time for guilt. The death of this mage will not be a loss to the enemy. The enemy has thousands and thousands under his command.

“ Adyran, look out !”

Adyran leaps away in time as an arrow flies through the air and landed in the ground beside him.

“ Thanks Sairin. That was a close one,” grinned Adyran while giving her the thumbs up.

Sairin gave Adyran a weary smile and casts a healing spell on one of their injured members. The wound on the leg of the injured mage glowed and faded away as she completes the spell. The mage stood up gingerly and tested his weight on his leg.

“ I think it’s all better now. Thank you, Sairin. I was careless when I went against the fighter. I lost my balance and he slashed my leg with his axe. Luckily, Adyran managed to kill him before he made me into mince pie,” grimaced the mage, Qwan.

Sairin punched his shoulder playfully and replied, “ It’s my job to heal, cure and revive. Now, get on with the fight and win the battle.”

“ I will win the battle for you, Sairin. You’re our best cleric !” Qwan ran off to help a fellow fighter who was struggling to kill an enemy archer.

Adyran’s heart swelled with pride. Sairin, his wife, is one of the best cleric in the land. Her knowledge of healing and curing are vast and she’s an experienced cleric. Her clerical skills are unrivaled. She can heal, restore, cure and buff you before you could say, “Buff please.” They are under good care as long as she’s their cleric.

The battle continued for another hour. The numbers of the enemy are dwindling but the enemy still outnumbered them by the hundreds. However, Adyran and his comrades are holding well so far. They are among the best of each of their classes. They have to resist the onslaught of the enemy for as long as they can until more reinforcement from the city arrived. With the reinforcement, they could easily defeat the enemy.

Suddenly, the Arch Mage of the enemy shouted, “ Kill the cleric. Kill her and we shall obliterate them easily. “

The long staff with a dark gem of the Arch Mage pointed towards Sairin. The enemy charged towards Sairin under the order of the Arch Mage. Sairin casted a healing spell on a fighter, her brows tight in concentration, oblivious to the fact the she is now the main target of the enemy.

“ Sairin, get away from there ! ” shouted Adyran hoarsely. He ran towards Sairin, trying to protect her from the horde of enemy charging toward her with all the intent of killing her, shooting arrow after arrow at the enemy. Only a few of the enemy were killed and the rest of them surged towards Sairin like an unstoppable wave.

Sairin opened her eyes in shock as the ground before her was struck and blackened by spells and arrows from the enemy. She quickly casts a shield of invincibility and sprinted away in bid to outrun the enemy. Arrows and spells struck her shield with tremendous force but the shield is still intact and whole, protecting her from harm.

“ Everyone protect Sairin !” Adyran shouted while trying to take down as many of the enemy as he can with his arrows. But his comrades are too far away to hear him. Only Qwan managed to hear him over the sounds of battle, the cries of pain and suffering from the injured.

Qwan casted a spell in front of the enemy. A pool of angry bright-red burning fire appeared on the ground. Some of the enemy withered and die in agony, their body turning into grey ashes.

“ May you burn forever in he-,” Qwan stopped in mid-sentence as a deadly spell struck his chest and he crumpled to the ground.

“ Qwan ! ” cried Sairin in despair. Suddenly, her shield flickered once, then twice and died. Her energy is drained from the effort to keep the shield up. She doesn’t have energy to recast the shield again.

An arrow struck Sairin’s shoulder and she stumbled in pain. Before Adyran could shout a warning, she was thrown backwards onto a rock by a blasting spell. Her back struck against the rock with force and she slided down the rock onto the ground, shuddering in pain. Her back is laid on the ground with a strange angle. Suddenly, she lay still, not moving anymore.

“ Sairin, nooooo !” Adyran cried. He scrambled to where Sairin’s body laid, not caring that the enemy are nearing him. He cradled Sairin in his arms, shaking her as if he was trying to rouse her from sleep. But her body only shook limply without life. Her once bright and inquisitive eyes are extinguished forever.

“ I’ll kill you ! I’ll kill you all ! “ screamed Adyran in blind rage while hugging Sairin’s body tightly against his chest. The enemy only laughed cruelly as they surrounded Adyran. A fighter raised his sword high, aiming for Adyran’s unprotected and exposed neck.

Adyran felt a sharp pain on his neck and then dullness as he collapses beside Sairin’s body. He could feel his warm blood spilling across his chest and soaking the ground.

Sairin, I’m coming to join you, he thought as he sank into comforting darkness.

Another late night scribble.

One Wish

2009-06-18T15:42:00.002+08:00

The sky is rumbling with angry thunder and lightning flashing in the heavens, illuminating the ground. Standing at a distance below the valley, the Wish surveyed its surroundings, hiding in the shadows among the bushes. It spread its semi-translucent wings and took off into the sky, the wings beating furiously. The Wish hovered for a while, pausing, and then headed north to a little village near the edge of a roaring river.

The river is the Life and Death of the villagers, providing sustenance but taking away life from the foolish few who decided to go against the might of the river. The river overflows when the monsoon season comes and the villagers had to move to the hills nearby to a temporary refuge, leaving the river to wreck destructions on the lands below. Houses and trees are destroyed and dismantled by the strong currents and animals drowned if they are unable to escape to higher grounds.

The Wish landed on a tree branch, the leaves covering its slender body from sight. Only a few people had seen the Wish. They say the Wish came from an ancient race of creatures with strange powers but the race had died out through the passing of time. Only a handful of the strange creatures still roamed the lands and they can take on different forms and shapes. The unbelievers dismissed the existence of the creatures and mocked those who believed, saying that the creatures are things of legends and stories befitting for infants and children.

One of those creatures is named as the Wish by the humans and for one special reason. The Wish has the power of granting deepest wants and desires, turning wishes into reality. Many men had tried to search and capture the Wish but none had succeeded. The Wish does not grant wishes by force or command. It randomly selects and grants wishes as it wills. It likes to see and observe quietly what the humans will do with their wish, never interfering with the outcomes.

The Wish nimbly jumped down to the grassy earth, its glittering black eyes scrutinizing a hut in front of it. It saw a small baby boy lying in a crib through the unlatched window. Flexing its wings once again, the Wish flew into the hut gracefully, carefully maneuvering around the potted plants on the ledge of the window. The wind was blowing hard and the curtains rippled by the force of the wind.

It flew next to the side of the sleeping infant and folded its wings. The sleeping baby was unaware of a little creature beside of him and continued in his deep slumber. The Wish leaned over towards the pale ears of the infant and said, ‘I give you the Gift of a Wish to be granted whenever you desire.’

Satisfied with what it had done, the Wish faded from sight and disappeared while the boy slept on, not knowing that he had been given a Gift by the Wish.

Another one of my random stories. I couldn't sleep last night.

The Wanderer

2009-05-22T22:28:00.001+08:00

Wandering aimlessly, her head bowed slightly forward in exhaustion and resignation, she walked weakly while stumbling in her footsteps. Her hands were clutched tightly towards her chest in pain and agony. She lifted her head, seeking something that she desperately desired. But her pale grey eyes were filled with hopelessness. A silent tear trickled down her dirt-stained cheek as she tried to force herself to move and continue searching. The pain in her is paralyzing both her body and soul. “Courage, my dear, courage”, she whispered hoarsely.

Suddenly, she fell forward on her knees, her bleeding hands supporting herself on the ground filled with ragged stones with sharp edges. Fresh blood flowed from her hands and knees. She winced at the pain. But pain is nothing unusual to her. Her life is filled with constant and never-ending pain and suffering. Dreams and hopes unfulfilled. Yet, she kept moving on although nothing in her life is worth living for, never giving up, not just yet.

Sometime in her darkest moments, she could see a glimpse of hope. She wondered if the hope is only a figment of her desperate imagination. Yet, the hope kept her sustained in her will to live and endure. Pushing herself back on her wounded feet, she ignored the stabbing and excruciating pain and kept walking, leaving behind bloody footsteps.

Just something random that I had written when I was bored. Enjoy !

My Day In Fiesta Online 2

2009-04-26T19:19:00.004+08:00

Stupid kser >.>

Using Magic Burst AOE on Grave Wolf

Mana burn on Fire Vivi

Ice Bolt on Wolf

Fire Bolt on Fire Vivi

Lightning Bolt and Fire Bolt

My mage in Elderine Town

My Day In Fiesta Online

2009-02-04T16:26:00.004+08:00

Since I'm playing too much of this game and not blogging at all, I have decided just to post screen shots. Meh, I'm lazy.

Enjoy !

I'm in Apoline Server ^^

My Cute Cleric =D

One of my skills. Pretty, no ? ^^

Fighting against a zombie and a dead fox beside of me xD

Resting in my mushroom ^^

Click to enlarge ^^

Random Pics

2008-12-11T18:34:00.003+08:00

Random Pictures - Food

2008-12-05T17:36:00.002+08:00

Standing Still

2008-11-29T23:17:00.007+08:00

Time never move backwards. Only forwards to the future. I don't know what my future holds for me. But I want time to stand still forever. Not moving forward and remain in eternal security. The future is uncertain.

Will you stand still for me ?

Revised Version Of Physic Presentation

2008-11-16T14:57:00.001+08:00

Physics

View SlideShare presentation or Upload your own.

Chemistry Presentation - Thin Layer And Paper Chromotography

2008-11-16T14:54:00.001+08:00

Term 3 Chemistry Chromo

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Chemistry Presentation - Greenhouse Effect

2008-11-16T14:29:00.001+08:00

Presentation Greenhouse End

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Mischievous Dinosaur

2008-10-28T21:11:00.010+08:00

Something is wrong with the legs. Bah !

Trying To Fly

2008-10-28T16:25:00.005+08:00

Water Bird

2008-10-28T16:08:00.007+08:00

Fading Angel

2008-10-27T17:59:00.004+08:00

Clock

2008-10-27T14:26:00.004+08:00

The Minute hand and the Hour hand
Jointed at the end
Ticking rhythmically
Non-stop
Moving in a circular motion
Trapped within their confines

Once an hour
The hands would be together
Aligned perfectly in a straight line
60 seconds passed
They separate
The Minute hand moving ahead
The Hour hand behind

The Hour hand
Moving slowly
Unable to catch up
Gives up
Waiting patiently
For the next hour
When they will be together

My Relationship With Maggi Mee

2008-10-26T12:52:00.005+08:00

Of course, everyone in Malaysia know about Maggi Mee. If they don't, they must have been living in a cave for the past few decades.

Anyway, as a student in a university, one cannot survive without Maggi Mee. Just imagine eating the same old Curry Chicken and soggy vegetables everyday. I used to love eating Curry Chicken but now I detest it. The vegetables they serve us are yellow and lifeless. I mean, of course, the vegetables are dead but at least they should look alive and green.

Therefore, desperate times call for desperate measures. Maggi Mee is a life saver, food from the Heavens. Just two minutes in hot boiling water and there you have it. A hot bowl of delicious mee with steaming satisfying soup. Yum.

But already I'm sick of eating Maggi. It seems tasteless to me although it was one of the most wonderful food I ever ate in my life. Well, I suppose you can have too much of a good thing in life.

Physic Power Point Presentation

2008-10-25T18:33:00.004+08:00

Physics

View SlideShare presentation or Upload your own.

I know it's lame. Just for fun. Copyrighted by me. I spent the whole afternoon for it. It's harder than I thought. Probably I'll make some changes later like the front cover and the end cover.

The Traveler

2008-10-25T17:50:00.005+08:00

The Path of Light
The Valley of Darkness
Both unseen by the Traveler
Who only keep his eyes on the ground
Walking forward with careful steps
But not looking ahead
His legs take him to an unknown place
Just walking
Constantly walking

When Darkness comes
The Traveler stops
Unable to see his feet
He hesitates
Trying to wrestle the fear within him
And yet he keeps on walking
Following the Light of his Heart

Where his journey will end
He doesn't know
But he will never stop walking
Constantly walking
Until his feet are unable to support
Tired and sore
The body weak and wasted
Collapses to the ground

Late Morning

2008-10-25T14:15:00.002+08:00

I woke up very late today. Almost 11 am in the morning. It's was pleasant to lay in the warm bed without any worries. Both my quizzes were over last week and I think that I did fine although there's a few careless mistakes. But I'm not too worry.

I have a few assignments and projects to complete this week. Mainly Physics presentation and Maths assignments. As usual, me and my partner will complete the PPT and the others will do the folio for the presentation. The topic for the Physics presentation is about Satellites.

Well, I tried to cook porridge today albeit not having a cooker or a pot. So, I decided to cook the instant porridge in the electric water boiler. Needless to say, it was a total failure. The rice was not completely cooked and it was tasteless. I had to throw the watery porridge into the dustbin although I tried to convince myself that it was not too bad. Imagination can do wonders !

I'll write later if there's something interesting.

Destiny

2008-10-24T12:19:00.006+08:00

Do you believe in destiny ?

Do you believe that there is Someone out there who is controlling every moment of your life and shaping your future ?

There's is a quote that I heard from somewhere. There is no coincidences, only inevitability.

Are coincidences meant to happen ? Or all of this destiny thing is only a figment of the human imagination ?

Questions and more questions. But no answers.

I believe that there is Someone that is observing our every moves. He knows everything about us. He lets us make our own decisions. But sometimes, He will drop something unexpected in our life. Something that can be good or bad or even both.

But how good or bad we make out of it, it is our own decision.

Rain

2008-10-23T00:24:00.004+08:00

The air is bleak and clammy
Blowing softly on my skin
Chills resonate in my body
My heart's a cold hard stone

Laying on my bed
My tummy on my soft bed
A warm blanket covering
Warmth
For a moment
Before sinking into cold darkness

My hands desperately clutching at the tendrils of hope
Swirling around gracefully
Like barely visible mist
But always avoiding my touch

A strong wind blew
The mist of hope disappeared
Snatch away in an instant
Away from my hungry gaze
My longing heart

I Feel Depressed

2008-10-23T00:05:00.004+08:00

What an irony. I was just telling Cheryl not to be depressed in the previous posts and now I am here, feeling depressed and sad.

Feelings and emotions are a part of life. It can be a boon or a blessing and sometimes a curse. I tell you something, it is better to feel than not to feel. I'd personally gone through it before. No feeling anything is the worst sensation that a human can ever have. I felt as if I am going through life without any hope. No happiness, no sadness and I could only feel nothing. It is better to feel pain and suffering than to have a dark emotionless heart. Just imagine living your life without any passion and everything is colorless. You only have a deep empty void in your heart. That's not a pleasant sensation.

Being depressed is something that make me human. I'd rather feel all the pain in the world than to feel nothing.

Tolerance & Indifference

2008-10-22T19:37:00.003+08:00

Tolerance and indifference are two very different things. When you get pissed off by something, it is tolerance. When you don't get pissed off by something that is supposed to piss you off, it is indifferent.

For me, I prefer to be indifferent person. Of course, in the eyes of others, I'm kinda cold and sometimes insensitive. I'd rather not to be bother by small things in life. There are other things that are more in important in my life. Don't sweat the small things. Just be calm and cool or even cold. Indifference can protect a person from feeling too stressed out. This can be a good thing or maybe a bad thing. Indifference makes me see the larger picture in my life. I don't want to see little slivers of life. I want to see everything.

Being indifferent, I can be somewhat a little insensitive. Sometimes, I tend to speak my mind out loud but that's is usually with my close friends. But what I say is always from my heart although a tad brutal sometimes.

Indifference can also mean hiding your feelings and emotions from others. Indifference can mask things that are buried deep in the heart, forgotten until something triggers it again. Indifference is a picture or a face that you show to the world, your friends and even your family and no one really knows that it is only a illusion of yourself except for you.

Don't Be Depressed

2008-10-21T09:01:00.004+08:00

The Tree is your Ground
Of Joys and Pleasures
The Light is your shining Beacon
To Days of Success

But the Tree and the Light go hand in hand
Without the lush green Leaves of the Tree
The fiery Light can burn ablaze
Without the warm and radiant Light
The Tree will die from the cold Darkness

On some days
When you need more Light
Climb to the highest Branch of the Tree
Poked your head out into the Light
Feel the playful tickish sensation of the Leaves
Lightly brushing your cheek and neck
And shield your eyes from the blazing glory of the Light

On some days
When you need shade for the Light
Retreat to the bottom of the Tree
Rest your aching back on the Trunk
Soothe your sun-burned cheek under protection of the Leaves
Provide a temporary relief from the Light
Until you shall want to reach for the Light again

Dedicated to Cheryl

Headache

2008-10-21T00:42:00.002+08:00

I'm having mild headache now. I'm tried to do the Biology Tutorial but it was extremely complicated so I gave up after doing a few questions. Dominant and recessive genes make my head spin.

I'll study Maths tomorrow. I don't think my brain can take it anyway. For now, I'll be reading Physics' Radioactivity. It's something similar to Form 5's radioactivity. I need to learn this chapter before the test on Wednesday although he just taught us today. What cruelty and a sadistic sense of humor.

My Desktop

2008-10-20T23:01:00.004+08:00

Click to enlarge ^^

Removing Autorun.inf From USB Flash Drive

2008-10-20T22:42:00.002+08:00

I have been trying for over one hour to remove that virus from my pen drive but to no avail even though I read a few websites on that particular topic. But it was not in vain, as it gives me a few ideas on how to remove it from my pen drive.

First, I launch Safe Mode in my laptop. To see whether it is still in the USB, I ran a virus scan. Yes, it's still there although I tried to heal and remove it into Quarantine.

And then, I opened my USB and there's a file or whatever you called it named autorun.inf in the USB. Just deleted it and voila ! The virus is gone. Or that is what I believe because when I scanned the USB again, there's no infection from the virus.

I think that this method only works in Safe Mode because I'm unable to see the virus file in normal mode.

Viruses And Anti-Virus

2008-10-20T21:31:00.003+08:00

Recently, I had a few problems with viruses in pen drives and my laptop. I had to reformat my pen drive for about three or four times because of the viruses. The Cybercentre is a breeding ground for dangerous viruses but I really need to print my things there.

Anyway, I decided to download a few Anti-Virus Programs today. Namely, Avast 4.8 Home and Avira AntiVir Personal. I had also downloaded Spybot - Search & Destroy.

Finally, I discovered the way to update my AVG Free through the proxy server.

Now, I'm scanning my laptop and my friend's pen drives and quite a number of viruses were found. But the virus kept on appearing in my pen drive although I had just formatted it. I give up.

Avira is quite good but I can't update through the proxy server and it gives out a very loud beep sound everything a virus is detected. The sound gives me a fright. Therefore, I'm a little annoyed with it.

With Avast, I am still testing it with a quick scan of my laptop. I'll report later.

My Writing Style

2008-10-20T21:05:00.002+08:00

I was just wondering what style should I use in my new blog. I admit that the previous post was a little too dramatic but I need a Grand Opening for my new blog. Anyway, I am really pleased with my blog address. I don't really like to use numbers or hyphens in the blog address. Therefore, I ended up with a totally unique blog address. Just joking. I'm not getting big-headed here. Actually, my inspiration for the blog address is from Kingdom Heart, a little of the Old Kingdom Trilogy and Keys to the Kingdom by Garth Nix.

Anyway, back to the topic.

I wonder if I should like in an emo style or maybe something like the previous post. Or even just plain old ramblings about my life here. I suppose that I'll think of something else later. Even better, I'll just rotate between the styles.

Well, it's about 9 pm here and I'm still not in a mood to study. I feel really tired although I didn't do much work today. I'm going to have two quizzes this week but I'm not too worried except for Maths. I hate everything about Maths but I'll have to cope with it.

Later, I'm going to do a little of Biology, a little of Physic and a little of Maths. Yes, bit by bit, so that I won't feel too bored or tired.

Stay tuned for the next musing.

Welcome To The Kingdom Of My Heart

2008-10-20T16:00:00.001+08:00

A new Kingdom was born from Nothing. Rain and Thunder witnessed the Birth of this Kingdom. The Roar of the Thunder echoed in the Dark Sky, announcing the Birth of the Glorious Kingdom. The Rain poured the Gift of Life upon the New Kingdom. Wonderful Creations will exist by the Hands of the Creator. The Creator, the Guardian of the Kingdom, will rule with compassion and kindness. With the Keys to the Kingdom, She will have Sovereignty of all of the Kingdom.

Enter into the Kingdom of My Heart